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How to Deal with Your Ex Getting Married
Adjusting to life after divorce is a process that takes time and patience. It looks different for every person because every person’s marriage and reason for divorce is different. Dealing with your ex getting married is another part of adjusting to life after divorce, and there is no one-size-fits-all way to deal with this new circumstance either.
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How do you handle your ex getting remarried?
Adjusting to life after divorce is a process that takes time and patience. It looks different for every person because everyone’s marriage and reason for divorce is different. Dealing with your ex getting married is another part of this adjustment, and there is no one-size-fits-all way to deal with this new circumstance.
Acknowledge Your Emotions
When you hear that your ex is getting remarried, you may be heartbroken, grief-stricken, relieved, elated, angry, scared, or any combination of these emotions. All of these are normal, and it’s imperative to allow yourself to feel these emotions, acknowledge them, and work through them. Friends, family members, counselors, therapists, or religious advisors are all resources that can help you process your emotions and eventually let them go.
Protect Your Kids from Your Emotions
Your children, however, should not experience your emotions to the news that your ex is getting remarried. Your children will have their own reactions, and it’s your job to be their sounding board for processing their emotions. Their response may be very different from yours, and you don’t want to confuse them or make them feel like they had the “wrong” reaction. Remember, they might have questions and concerns too, and you need to be there for them. The calmer you are, the more at ease your children will be with this new situation.
Don’t Be the Middleman
Avoid serving as the intermediary between the kids and your ex’s new spouse. Encourage the kids to talk to your ex about any concerns or problems they’re having with the new spouse, so they can address the issue directly. It’s important to let your kids form their own relationship with your ex’s new husband or wife without getting involved.
Discuss any changes to the parenting plan
Work with your ex to determine how this new marriage will impact the parenting plan. This conversation should not take place in front of the children. If you’ve been co-parenting, it’s essential to create clear boundaries for the new spouse and the role they will play in raising the kids. Decide how you want to handle changes in family traditions, holidays, or vacation schedules and share these changes with your children. Now that your spouse is remarrying, you may also want to talk to a lawyer to find out if there will be any change to alimony or child support payments, so you can make plans for how this will impact you and your children.
Communicate the coming changes to your kids
The more prepared you are, the more you will be able to answer your kids' questions openly, honestly, and consistently. This will go a long way in ensuring that they successfully adjust to the changes a new marriage will bring to your family dynamic.