8 Common Child Custody Questions & Answers

Get clear answers to eight of the most common child custody questions involving court decisions, child support, relocation, family law attorneys, and more.

• 7 min read
• custody
• family law

Child custody is one of the most important issues co-parents face, especially during separation or divorce. It touches not only legal rights but everyday life, from schedules and education to travel and communication. Because custody laws vary significantly from state to state and case to case, it can be hard to know what to expect or which questions you need answered most.

Even with varying laws and circumstances, the fundamentals usually apply across the board. That’s why we’ve answered eight of the most common child custody questions. Discover clear, practical explanations of how custody decisions are made, what factors matter most, and how you can approach these matters with clarity, confidence, and a child-centered focus.

1. How do the courts decide who gets custody?

The courts generally prefer that you and your ex work together to determine your custody schedule and parenting plan. You can work directly with your child’s other parent, or you can work together with guidance from a mediator or arbitrator for a more structured process. Taking a more collaborative approach is generally faster, less stressful, and gives you and your ex more control over the details of your plan.

While working together to present a custody agreement to a judge is preferred, the court may need to step in and make custody decisions. Instead of focusing on what’s most convenient, a judge will examine how each possible arrangement may affect your child’s best interests and overall well-being. They will likely review information from you, your ex, and other involved parties to make a more informed decision.

Some questions that the court may ask to determine custody can include:

• Has one of you been the primary caretaker, or have you and your ex shared responsibilities?
• What is the mental, physical, and financial health status of you and your co-parent?
• Will your child be in a stable environment between two homes?
• Will your child have opportunities to interact with members of their extended family?
• Are there any major school or lifestyle adjustments that would affect your child’s routine?
• Is there any history or evidence of substance abuse or child abuse in your family?

2. Do I need to hire a lawyer for my custody case?

You and your ex may not need to hire a lawyer to reach an agreement for your case if you agree on the overall joint custody arrangement, feel comfortable communicating with one another, and are willing to complete and submit the required paperwork together. Still, you can choose to consult a lawyer briefly to review your agreement before submitting it to the court.

If you’re in a conflicted co-parenting situation, it may be more beneficial to hire a family law attorney who can provide informed legal guidance for your specific situation. Working with a local attorney can help you understand your rights, ensure your filings are completed correctly, and work through disagreements with your ex as they arise. An attorney can also help you take a child-centered custody approach to your case.

You may benefit from working with a family law attorney if:

• You or your ex wants to file for sole legal or physical custody
• You and your ex co-parent from different states
• You or your ex remarries or relocates
• You have concerns about your co-parent’s ability to be a fit custodian for the children

3. How much will I receive or pay for child support?

Until the court reviews your situation and issues an order, there’s no easy way to know who will make or receive payments and for how long. Because child support calculations vary by state, it may be difficult to determine if you or your ex will be required to pay a specific amount. Additionally, certain circumstances in your situation may lead a judge to use a different option than your state’s default.

Courts depend on formulas and financial affidavits to calculate child support instead of relying on you and your ex to negotiate. Depending on your state, the court may use the income shares model, the percentage of income model, or the Melson Formula to ensure payments are consistent and fair. Remember that custody schedules and child support are connected, so changes to one can affect the other.

Common factors that can affect how child support is calculated may include:

• The number of children requiring support
• Each parent’s income and financial resources
• How much time your child spends with each parent
• Childcare, medical, and health insurance expenses
• Other dependents or financial obligations

4. What if I believe my ex is unfit to have custody of our children?

Every state has its own legal definition of what constitutes a parent being unfit. The first thing you’ll want to do is research the regulations in your state to see if what you deem as “unfit” behavior even qualifies under the legal definition. Personal disagreements or differences in parenting style usually aren’t enough. If there’s more of an issue than those disagreements, consulting with an attorney before proceeding may be best.

If you believe your ex should be declared unfit by a court, be prepared for a lengthy process. The burden of proof rests on you, so you must prepare and bring evidence to court that supports your claims. This evidence may include photos, medical records, criminal records, or transcripts of conversations. The court may order psychological and medical evaluations for you, your ex, and your child to verify the situation.

Some reasons why the courts may deem a parent unfit can include:

• Alcohol or drug abuse issues
• Failures in providing basic needs
• Child neglect or domestic violence
• Physical, emotional, or sexual abuse
• Severe mental health challenges

5. Can I move to another state with my child?

Once your custody order or parenting plan is in place, relocating with your child to a different state usually requires additional steps. Courts are generally cautious about moves that could significantly disrupt your child’s routine or limit the other parent’s ability to spend time with them. If the courts have issued a temporary order, that document should detail whether you can move out of state with your child.

In most cases, you’ll be required to notify your child’s other parent or request approval from the courts before moving with your child to another state. The notice requirements and timelines vary by state, so it’s important to understand local rules before making plans. Ignoring your state’s guidelines and relocating with your child may be considered parental kidnapping, which can lead to civil or criminal consequences.

When evaluating relocation requests, the courts will often consider:

• How the move may affect your child’s routines
• The distance of the move and how it affects custody exchanges
• Whether parenting time with both co-parents can be preserved
• The reasons you provide for requesting to move with your child

6. When can my child choose which parent they want to live with?

Generally, your child does not have the legal authority to decide custody arrangements until they turn 18. However, many states allow your child’s preference to be considered at an earlier age, typically once they demonstrate sufficient maturity around 12 or 14 years old. Check with your local clerk of courts or a family law attorney to determine if your child can make their own decisions about visitation or custody.

Even if your child is old enough to share their preference, the court does not have to follow their wishes, especially if doing so would not be in their best interests. A judge will likely evaluate whether your child’s choice supports their overall well-being before making a decision. Additionally, the courts will thoroughly assess the situation to ensure your child makes the decision freely without influence from you or your ex.

When considering your child’s input on custody and visitation, the courts will consider:

• Your child’s age and emotional maturity
• The reasoning behind their preference
• Each parent’s ability to provide stability and support
• The overall impact on your child’s best interests

7. What is a guardian ad litem?

A guardian ad litem, also called a GAL, is a legal or mental health professional appointed by the court to act as an independent investigator and represent your child’s best interests. Although their roles seem similar, GALs differ from attorneys in who they represent and how they gather evidence for a case. GALs are often involved in situations with safety concerns or complex family dynamics that require professional input.

After interviewing relevant parties and evaluating all the information in a custody case, your GAL will prepare a written recommendation for the living situation and overall custody arrangement that they believe is most supportive of your child’s best interests. The judge in your custody case does not have to follow the GAL’s recommendations, but they will likely carry significant weight in making custody decisions.

A GAL’s responsibilities in a custody case may include:

• Interviewing people close to you, your ex, and your child
• Observing your child’s relationship with you and their other parent
• Assessing your child’s living environments and routines
• Reviewing any relevant records or reports

8. Can child custody be regained after it’s been revoked?

In some cases, a parent may regain custody rights after losing them. Most family law judges recognize that circumstances can change over time and that parents may take meaningful steps to improve their ability to care for their child. Regaining custody is not automatic, however, and the process typically requires formal court involvement and thorough assessments before it can be restored.

To request a change in custody, you or your child’s other parent must demonstrate that there has been a substantial change in circumstances since the original custody decision. The court will carefully evaluate whether those changes are lasting and whether modifying custody would truly serve your child’s best interests. Judges often look for consistent, long-term improvement rather than short-term progress.

Some examples of changes a court may consider helpful to restoring custody may include:

• Completion of a substance abuse treatment program
• Demonstrated improved mental health stability and ongoing care
• Participation in a parenting class or counseling
• Stable housing that’s considered safe enough for your child
• Consistent employment or improved financial stability
• Evidence of reliable, child-focused involvement and parenting

Simplify co-parenting concerns with TalkingParents

Custody questions are rarely a one-and-done situation, regardless of whether you go back to court or not. Even after your custody agreement is in place, you and your ex will continue to navigate schedules, shared expenses, communication challenges, and changes as your child grows. Maintaining clear, consistent records and child-focused communication can help provide clarity when questions or disagreements arise.

TalkingParents can help you and your ex stay organized by keeping all interactions on an Unalterable Record, giving you peace of mind by providing the full picture of messages, calls, payments, and more. Whether you’re preparing for court or managing day-to-day responsibilities, you can move forward with accountability and transparency by adding our app and parenting resources to your toolkit.