Long Distance Co-Parenting

Tips for making a long-distance parenting plan and staying connected with your kids.

5 min read
custody
family law

Posted on May 20, 2020

Updated on May 1, 2025

Co-parents who live close to each other can easily share time with their children and be present for school and extracurricular activities. However, living near one another is not the reality for all co-parents, and some choose to co-parent from different states or countries. Learn how you can use a long-distance parenting plan to ensure your individual and combined efforts support your children’s best interests.

How does long-distance co-parenting work?

As the name suggests, long-distance co-parenting is where parents have joint custody of their children but live too far apart to manage a 50/50 split or other more even custody schedules. This situation often happens when either parent moves away after a separation or divorce. While the distance can make it easier for co-parents to interact with each other, it can complicate the non-custodial parent’s relationship with their child.

Do all states have the same definition of long distances?

Family courts in different states have varying definitions of long-distance co-parenting. Most states recognize long-distance arrangements based on how far the children involved need to travel for visits. While distance is an important factor, the courts are often more focused on the child’s ability to spend time with their non-custodial parent.

In other cases, co-parents could live in the same state and still be required to create and follow a long-distance parenting plan. For example, family courts in Florida define long distance as 50 miles between homes, while Ohio’s courts define it as any distance over 150 miles. California doesn’t have a specific distance set in law but often uses 20 miles as a minimum benchmark.

Can a custodial parent move states without their ex’s approval?

While the laws vary by state, most courts don’t allow a custodial parent to move themselves and their children to another state without notifying and working with their ex. If there’s already a custody agreement in place, moving to another state without your ex’s consent could be considered custodial interference, and severe cases can involve parental kidnapping charges.

What are the challenges of long-distance parenting?

Long-distance co-parenting is sometimes the best choice in certain situations. However, it still has potential drawbacks for the parents and children involved. According to an article from Psychology Today, living more than one hour away from a parent can disrupt parent-child relationships. Without efforts to connect outside of visits, the disconnect can only grow.

These are some of the many ways relationships between a child and their non-custodial parent can be affected:
The time spent together is scheduled according to the parenting plan, making it feel more formal and less natural.
There are fewer opportunities for spontaneous moments of closeness during routine, normal daily activities.
Extended travel times when parents and children are together can disrupt the child’s typical routines and activities.
The distant parent is not usually there for school events or extracurricular activities.
The parent and child will need to use technology to communicate frequently.

What should I include in a long-distance parenting plan?

Long-distance parenting plans will ultimately look different than traditional ones. While the main topics that need to be addressed are the same, these parenting plans require a unique approach to be successful. Even if you and your co-parent have a specific way you want to handle your plan, you need to take a child-centered approach and consider what’s best for your child.

When preparing to make a long-distance parenting plan, you and your co-parent should:

Consider child custody schedules based on age that best fit your child’s developmental needs.
Review school and work schedules to decide how often and how long visits can be.
Consider financial decisions for transportation and the cost and availability of childcare when children are visiting from out of town.
Evaluate holidays and family celebrations to divide them flexibly and cooperatively.

Once you consider the current circumstances that impact you and your kids, you can start looking at the key elements of a parenting plan and adding helpful provisions that work for everyone involved. In any case, here are 3 critical areas to consider in your long-distance parenting plan.

1. Custody schedules

Depending on the distance between you and your ex, some common custody schedules with uneven splits or longer durations can work. No matter what split you choose, ensure it’s consistent and avoids impacting your child’s school schedule. Additionally, consider how you and your co-parent can share custody over holidays like Christmas and summer break.

2. Travel expenses

Whether you and your co-parent live on opposite sides of the state or country, it can take a lot of time and money to facilitate custody exchanges. Unless your children can fly alone, you’ll each need to pay for multiple plane tickets or find another way to travel. Outline who’s responsible for costs related to your child going from house to house.

3. Communication

Unless you’re using parallel parenting to limit interactions with your co-parent, you can stick to standard communication guidelines in your plan. Specify how you and your co-parent are expected to keep each other updated on your child. Most importantly, consider including virtual visitation in your plan to help your child stay connected to both parents.

How can I connect with my child over long distances?

When you and your child are physically apart for long periods, it’s vital to follow a consistent communication schedule. Technology is fantastic for keeping you connected, but it doesn’t magically strengthen your parent-child relationship alone. What’s most important is any effort you make to connect with them emotionally during phone or video calls.

Here are some suggestions to help you intentionally strengthen your parent-child relationship:

Avoid yes or no questions. Ask your child questions that allow them to explain their answers and share about their day in more detail.
Ask specific questions about your child. Know the names of your child’s friends, the projects they are working on in school, and the names of other adults who are important in your child’s life, like coaches, neighbors, and teachers. Do not—“How is school going?” Instead, ask, “How did your history teacher like the report you turned in last week?”
Keep your word. Call or write to them when you say you will.
Find shared activities to keep you connected. Watch a TV show together, play online games, or even cook a meal together.
Never badmouth your co-parent or ask your child about what your co-parent is doing (or not doing) with their life.
Schedule calls, send care packages, and make every effort to stay connected. Try not to get angry with your child if they don’t initiate calls consistently.
Be positive. No child wants a lecture during every conversation with their parent. There will be times you may need to address behavior or grades, but try to balance that with positive comments.

Simplify long-distance plans with TalkingParents

Your long-distance parenting plan may need to change to fit your family’s needs as time goes on, but consistency with your co-parent and your child is paramount. TalkingParents can help you keep details and communications organized no matter how far apart you are. From coordinating in-person and virtual visits to tracking shared expenses, you can handle everything more smoothly using our all-in-one service.