How to Make a Parallel Parenting Plan

7 items co-parents should consider including in a parallel parenting plan.

• 4.5 min read
• custody
• family law

Parallel parenting enables co-parents to distance themselves from each other while still being involved in their children’s lives. It’s a beneficial approach used by people who want to focus on their children while avoiding high conflict situations with their exes. Learn more about this strategy and how to create a parallel parenting plan that works for you.

What is parallel parenting?

Healthline defines parallel parenting as an arrangement in which parents minimize interactions with each other after a separation or divorce. Instead of prioritizing consistency between homes, parents work to be consistent with their kids during their own parenting time. This approach ultimately aims to help parents and their children by limiting opportunities for conflict.

Why do co-parents use parallel parenting?

Parents usually choose parallel parenting because traditional co-parenting doesn’t work for them. The specific reasons for tension vary, especially since going through a divorce or separation is often a stressful process. Generally, co-parents use and stick with parallel parenting to protect their mental health and avoid fighting in front of their kids.

Some of the more common reasons for using parallel parenting can include:

• High conflict co-parenting issues
• Narcissism or other mental health obstacles
• Problems with domestic violence or abuse
• Unhealthy co-parenting boundaries
• Difficulties with healing from heartbreak

Is parallel parenting the same as co-parenting?

While a child’s best interests are the main objective of both parallel parenting and co-parenting, the two approaches are not considered the same. The main difference is that parallel parenting involves almost no contact between parents. Co-parenting depends on communication between parents, so a lack of cooperation makes it difficult or impossible.

How is parallel parenting beneficial?

Parallel parenting helps parents avoid issues that stem from conflicted co-parenting after a split. Each parent can better focus on spending time with their kids without worrying about navigating high conflict conversations as frequently. By focusing on the children’s well-being, parallel parenting takes a more child-centered approach to custody.

When done right, taking a parallel parenting approach offers significant benefits for the children involved. Each parent can make a better effort to minimize conflict and protect their kids from high conflict situations. They also have more time and energy to focus on raising their kids with a more secure attachment style and supporting their mental health.

Are there drawbacks to parallel parenting?

The main issue with parallel parenting is that both co-parents give up some degree of consistency for their children. One household may have rules that are partially or totally different from the other. The difference between homes can create additional challenges unless both parents can accept that it’s a normal part of their new dynamic.

Another potential risk is that children could be negatively impacted based on each parent’s response. If co-parents badmouth each other, their children could experience parental alienation and believe one parent is a “bad guy.” Parents can also introduce issues like parentification or enmeshment if they depend on their children for adult responsibilities or emotional support.

What should a parallel parenting plan cover?

Whether you and your ex are creating a parenting plan from scratch or modifying your current one, you’ll need to include specific details to avoid communication. Some hiccups are inevitable, but you can plan and work ahead to make things as simple as possible. Here are 7 helpful items to consider including in your parallel parenting plan.

1. Custody schedules

Every pair of co-parents needs to determine a custody schedule, but parallel parenting depends on more specific information. Once you pick a schedule that works best for your kids, list the exact times for exchanges to avoid custodial interference issues. Include approved locations and the names of any people who can help if your schedules are occasionally off.

2. Household rules

You can’t guarantee that your routines will match what your co-parent wants, but you can still try to set some rules that apply in both homes. If you and your co-parent can reach an agreement, listing shared rules saves you both from future arguments. For example, you can include a parenting plan provision that sets social media guidelines for your kids.

3. Major decisions

If you and your co-parent have joint legal custody, you’ll need to figure out how to make decisions about your child’s education and well-being. You can specify when each of you can decide something on your own or after working with each other. For example, you and your co-parent can plan to handle appointments alone based on whose parenting time it is.

4. Important events

Your kids will likely have parent-teacher conferences, extracurricular activities, and other similar events that you and your co-parent won’t want to attend together. Make sure your parallel parenting plan outlines who’s responsible for being at different events. You can choose to split the responsibilities based on your schedules or personal preferences.

5. Expenses

While you and your co-parent may make separate budgets, your plan should cover how you’ll handle child support and other shared costs. School-related expenses can add up, and it may take some interaction to split them. You can track any relevant payments and settle them at the end of each month or divide them based on your parenting time.

6. Communication

Parallel parenting works best when there’s minimal interaction. However, you’ll still need to consider situations where you and your ex need to get in touch. Whether you have a child-related emergency or an unexpected schedule change, choose an approved, documented communication method like TalkingParents for situations where you can’t avoid contact.

7. Conflict resolution

Disagreements are inevitable, so your plan should outline a process for avoiding standstills when you and your co-parent can’t agree on a major issue or decision. Determine whether you and your ex should work with a neutral third party, like a mediator or arbitrator, to ensure decisions that impact your children are made efficiently with minimal stress.

Simplify parallel parenting with TalkingParents

If you’re considering how parallel parenting can improve your situation, co-parenting tools can enhance the benefits of this approach. Adding TalkingParents to your plan can streamline different aspects by connecting you and your co-parent through an all-in-one service that minimizes direct contact and maximizes accountability.

Our comprehensive features take the hassle out of keeping shared co-parenting details organized and separated from your personal life. If you need to communicate, all messages, calls, and other interactions are documented on an Unalterable Record. With everything stored in a single service, you can stay connected with your ex to support your children’s well-being without compromising your own.